Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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