saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
