Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
