Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What a dumb baby whore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
