Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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