Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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