eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
