Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Boobs are out for the taking
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Randomize
