well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
