seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
