Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
