I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
