First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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