i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
