you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How does one acquire holy water?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
