i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
