just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
