How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
