Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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