If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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