I bet he comes in French.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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