I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
