I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
