She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
