I can tuck mytits in my pants
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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