i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
