I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
