In the future we'll all be gay
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
