I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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