god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
