remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
