During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
