I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
