i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
