This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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