If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
