names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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