I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Someone signed my nipple.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
