my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
