He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
