Define "chronic" masturbator.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
