you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
