I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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