She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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