she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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