pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
