Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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