when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
