I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't deserve a penis
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
