did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
