HIV tests are more positive than that guy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
