Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
this hospital has no fireball
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
