You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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