Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
