we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
